


trust

by orphan_account



Series: I wanna get better [2]
Category: Code Black (TV)
Genre: M/M, death tw, drug tw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-25
Updated: 2016-03-25
Packaged: 2018-05-28 23:44:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6350401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You think that telling me your secrets makes me trust you?" Angus asked. </p><p>"Is it working?" Mario chuckled softly into Angus' chest. </p><p>"I killed Gordon." </p><p>"I guess it is working." </p><p>The squeal to 'What if'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	trust

"When I was in college. A freshmen. I fell in love with a dumb jock...." 

"Like a softball player or something?" 

"No." Mario chuckled at the thought. Wouldn't it had been so easy to fall for a girl? Maybe he could have actually had a normal experience for once in his life. "A hockey player," he started. He rolled away from Angus, wrapped the sheet around himself and distanced himself from Angus. He needed space to tell him what he was going to say. 

"You don't have to come out to me, Mario." His fingers brushed against the delicate skin of his lips where Angus' lips had touched just moments before. "I think the mind blowing sex we just had is proof enough." 

He bit his lip. "Mind blowing?" he asked. For a moment his confidence had faltered and he believed that he was something less then amazing in bed. The corners of his lips turned to a smile. 

"Yeah you didn't think so?" Angus seemed offended. 

"No. No. That's not what I meant at all. I'm just saying that your girlfriend has been going around telling people that I'm not exactly good catch if you know what I mean.." 

"My girlfriend?" 

"Heather." He said her name like it was some sort of dirty word. His pitch lowered, and he gestured to nothing when he said it as if the gesture could give away exactly who he was talking about. 

"You're joking right?" Angus chuckled pitifully. "You slept with her." Like Mario was to blame, and, in truth he was, he had slept with her but he hadn't done what she had said he had. He wasn't that type of guy. 

"Oh but 'We bonded' " Mario mocked. " 'It was a lingering hug'" 

"Ok, one, I know better now, two, I do not sound like that, and three you do seem like the kind of guy who would just leave once you got off and leave the other person hanging." 

"Did she tell you that?" Mario asked. 

"Maybe," Angus replied. 

"Well I'm still here, one, and two that's not true but I;ll spare you the details." Mario said. "The point is I am obviously not that guy. I don't know who you've been sleeping with but they sound like horrible people..." Mario rolled over and then positioned himself on top of Angus straddling his hips and pressing him down into his bed. Whatever he was going to say was pushed away by the thought of another magical moment shared between the two. 

"You are the horniest guy I've ever met," Angus kissed him softly. "And I like that... but I'd also like to know what you were going to say about your hockey player, I think, that it's important." Angus ran his hands up Mario's chest. "You obviously brought him up for a reason."

"What you can't get it up again old man?" Mario teased. 

"I'm not seventeen anymore," Angus said. "Give me a minute ok?"

Mario laughed and he rolled back off of Angus and onto his back, next to him in the bed. "I'm not sure you're going to be able to get it up after I tell you this." 

"I admitted to killing someone and you still wanted to have sex with me." 

Mario sighed, and Angus was right. He did. "I used to work in the college library as a math tutor..." 

"Are you about to tell me about how you banged a hot hockey player in the library?" Angus asked. 

"No," Mario started, and then mid sentence he changed his mind mid sentence and he bit down on his bottom lip, "I did... but that's not why I'm telling you this." 

"You're lying." Angus said confidently. 

"Why would you think that?"

"Well I'm pretty sure all my neighbors heard you..." 

"Then why don't I show you how quiet I can be?" Mario's hand traced circles on Angus' thigh underneath the sheet. 

Angus winced. "I want to hear the rest of the story." 

Mario sighed, he spread his fingers across Angus' thigh and patted it. "I'm sorry. I'll keep my hands to myself. For the record though--" 

"I know that low sex drive is a side effect of adderall Mario. I know and we are not doing this. If you're going to then you can just leave." 

"To what?" 

"Lecture me." 

"Ok this is not a lecture. This is talking. That's what friends do they talk." 

Angus couldn't help but laugh, and Mario did too. The fact that Angus words had come back to bite him in the butt was endlessly entertaining to both of them, apparently, and it ended with a fit of laughter, until both of them were on their backs laughing so hard that they were wiping tears from their eyes. When Angus could even look at the boy laying along side him in his bed he sat up on his elbows, his eyes met Mario's gaze for the first time that night, and then they made their way down the rest of his body that was still visible under the sheet. 

"What?" Mario asked. 

"Nothing," Angus flopped back down onto his back. "You just... you never laugh." 

"I don't have a lot to laugh about." Somehow, Mario found that funny, and then apparently so did Angus. Mario's laugh was contagious Angus had realized. More so then any laugh he'd ever heard before. Maybe it was a good thing that he didn't ugly laugh all the time, because Angus wasn't sure he'd ever be able to stop himself from being entertained by the way that Mario looked when he laughed. So happy. So different from his regular brooding self. 

"Are you going to tell me about your hot ex boyfriend?" Angus asked. They'd cooled down from their fit of laughter now and Angus seemed genuinely curious.

"Will you stop interrupting me?"

"I only make jokes so I can hear you laugh." 

"He died." Mario said. Seriously. 

"Did you kill him?" 

"That's not funny," Mario said. He pushed Angus' shoulder playfully. "Jerk." 

Angus wrapped his arm around Mario's shoulder and pulled Mario into his chest. He gently pressed his lips to Mario's forehead. 

"I'm sorry. Tell me about him. Ok?" 

"Promise you won't interrupt?" 

"Promise." 

"One day he came to the library at like ten we were about to close and he said he had an appointment but his coach made him stay really late and he missed it. He needed to pass his statistics test or else he would have flunked out and gotten kicked off the team. He didn't really know anything about statistics but sometime around midnight I figured out that I could use sports to my advantage and I used his sports bracket to show him how statistics work. 

"A few days later he came back and he said I was like his good luck charm. He got an A on his test it was so good that the professor didn't even believe him and he won his bracket. He was gonna use the money to take me out to dinner but I said no. I didn't need to get attached to someone. I was just trying to get into med school you know? He tried for a whole semester to get me to go out with him you know like he'd leave tickets to his games in my mailbox all that shit. 

"He took my upper level statistics class. On purpose. Even though he sucked at math. He took it so that he could hang out with me. I'd never had anyone try so hard, or care enough about me to do something like that. No one had ever cared about me like that before. No one. Not even the two people that brought me into the world and I... It worked. I fell in love with him. We were so happy and then he uh... He hurt his shoulder playing and his coach and his team doctor they told him to go get some steroids like from a drug dealer or something." 

"That is the worst advice I've ever heard in my entire life." Angus interrupted. 

"It gets worse...  Stereoids turned into oxy, and I came home and there was three guys snorting oxy off of my coffee table and so I decided 'what the hell it's only once' and I did it too. That led to heroin and... Then his coach started sniffing around you know asking questions. I yelled at him and he kicked Connor off the team I'm not sure if it was the drugs or the fact that he didn't know he was gay. I guess it doesn't matter. He uh he lost his scholarship and he got kicked out of college. You know he tried to get his life together... 

"But he kept doing heroin. We both kept doing heroin and I was in class one day and he texted me and just said 'love u goodby' except he spelled goodbye not like goodbye but like good 'by' as in next to. I got so hung up on the missing 'e' because he never really typed like that I don't know he never used 'u' the letter and not you the word in texts because he was one of those really snobby texters. It seems dumb now but I liked that about him. 

"Anyway.... I uh.. when I got home there was a ton of cops and paramedics and... he O.D'd and that scared me into realizing that I was going to end up in the ground next to him, and my parents if I didn't stop and get my shit together and finish school." 

"Mario that's not your fault." Angus rested his chin on Mario's. "It's not your fault." 

"I know. I know. I'm not telling you this so you'll tell me that it's not my fault. I'm telling you because..." Mario sniffled. Like he was crying. For real this time. Not tears of laughter. Real tears. "Because  I don't want to lose another friend, another ... whatever because of -- This wasn't a lecture I promise -- I just need you to know that you can trust me. If you need someone to talk to and I didn't want you to think you couldn't trust me because I told Mike." 

"You think that telling me your secrets makes me trust you?" Angus asked. 

"Is it working?" Mario chuckled softly into Angus' chest. 

"I killed Gordon." 

"I guess it is working," Mario joked in spite of Angus words having serious implications to them. 

"He... The knife. He pulled it out. I was going to stop him. I told him not to pull it out and then he called Malaya a bitch and I... I let him bleed out...." Angus was crying too now, and maybe that was contagious too. The ugly cry. The cry that made you want to curl into a ball and never wake up again. The kind of cry that even the person who you had just shared everything with could not do anything to resolve. Even when he tried to kiss the tears away. Even when he told you that it wasn't your fault. Over and over again. It wasn't a type of cry that could just go away because someone held you. Mario knew that, and Angus knew it too, but it was nice, to have Mario to hold him anyway. 

"Does this mean that you have to tell me another story?" Angus joked. He broke what felt like hours of silence shoved into just a few minutes of time. 

"Do you want to hear another story?" Mario asked. "Ted asked me to tell him a story before he died. You're not going to die are you?" 

"I think my brain is going to explode," Angus joked. "You know from the mindblowing sex and all... but I think I'll live. Hey isn't he that old gay guy that was convinced we were 'a thing'? Whatever that means." 

"I bet he'd be happy to know that he turned out to be right," Mario said.He laughed, but Angus didn't follow suit. So he just shut up.  

 "Did you tell him a story?" Angus asked. 

"Yeah," Mario said. "About how one time my parents forgot me and I stayed with my teacher for the weekend." 

"Do you have any happy stories?" Angus spoke through his yawn. 

"Connor had this friend... who used to pirate the sports channels from his neighbor and he'd record them. On a VHS tape." 

"When did you go to college ninteen ninty?" Angus laughed. 

"No." Mario yawned too now. "But that's how he did it. It was always the same VHS tape every week. Every Wednesday night we'd watch the hockey game from the week before, you know the pro hockey games. We'd promised that we'd avoid the spoilers all week so we could watch it together. Ever when we were high out of our minds we still never broke that promise. Now I just go to NA on Wednesday night because I'm too scared to be alone because then I'd have to really face it. You know when I don't have to work." 

"You go to NA?" Angus asked softly. His voice was caked with sleep now. 

Mario nodded into his chest. "It helps. If you're considering it...." He would have continued, to explain NA meetings to Angus but he figured by the slow even breaths that Angus was letting out that it wouldn't help. Instead Mario found himself letting his tired eyelids droop closed as well and for the first time in a long time they both slept well, without any nightmares. 


End file.
